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Miscellaneous thoughts and ramblings
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Fun on Hold
I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that Mr. Sam Goodstein (not his real name) who first came to your attention because of the great efforts of two physicians to find him on a recent Sunday morning, has improved and was transferred today to The Fancy-Shmancy Rehab Center.

This evening ball-and-chain and I ware sitting at our adjacent desks getting some work done in the hectic post-dinner hours. I realized that I needed to adjust the dose of one of Mr. Goodstein medications. I picked up the phone and dialed. She could only hear my side of the conversation.

Nurse: The Fancy-Shmancy Rehab Center. How can I help you?

Doctor Bean: Hi! This is Doctor Bean. I have an order for Mr. Sam Goodstein.

Nurse: Doctor Bean! How are you?

DB: Great! How are you?

Nurse: Good, thanks. Hold just a minute while I get Mr. Goodstein's chart.

[Hold music plays in the background and keeps playing while I start talking. ball-and-chain doesn't know I'm on hold.]

DB: Thanks. I'd like you to ice his scrotum every four hours. Especially at night.

ball-and-chain bursts into laughter and nearly swallows her gum.
There is nothing like the feeling of a freshly iced scrotum, you really must try it, it's invigorating.
I once got a call from a nurse whose accent was so thick that I burst out laughing. This was while I was at the dinner table (and we had guests over). Everybody was staring at me (the nurse couldn't have been too happy, but she kept talking without pause anyway). After a few seconds of trying to catch my breath, and puzzling stares from around the table, I passed the phone around.

Good times, good times.
Oy, I am glad I don't have a scrotum. It would surely have crawled back into my body after reading this!

P.S. I do love hearing about the dr. part of your life. Keep posting about it!!
You and the Mrs. have side-by-side computers and blog at the same time??? That is soooo sweet! In my house we all have to fight I mean take turns nicely now.....And when one person is on the computer he/she is completely unavailable, emotionally, physically or any other way, to any other member of the family....Around here when one person is on the computer and something funny happens, it is definitely "Laugh, and you laugh alone...."
I am so embarrassed that Mrs. Katz read the word "scrotum" on our blog.

On that note, I recently checked out an "e-book" called Men's Private Parts from our local library's website. It's a frank discussion of how dudes' plumbing works and, well, doesn't work so good as we get older. I tried listening to it on my way home the other day but the reader kept saying words such as the aforementioned and my face started to hurt from grimacing.

Bean might like it, though, since the reader was extolling the virtues of masturbating.

< grimace >
Og: It really helps alleviate drowsiness. Before a long nighttime drive, there’s nothing like it.

Psychotoddler: Oh, the myriad funny nurse-over-the phone stories I could share. The general “say something goofy while you’re on hold to crack up your spouse” theme is tried and true in our home. (We’ve written about it here.) When I was a young attending undergrad I was with all my buddies at a football game. I was on call and got a page and answered it from the stadium with tons of background noise. The nurse had a thick accent and kept mispronouncing my name.
Nurse: Is this Dr Peen?
DB: This is Dr. Bean.
Nurse: Dr Peen?
DB: No, Dr. Bean, with a B like Bob.
Nurse: Oh. Are you covering for Dr Peen?
At this point I gave up. “Sure. I’m covering for Dr Peen. What can I do for you?”

Stacey: The doctor part of my life isn’t really that exciting. What you see are the funniest or most interesting bits. The critical part about the doctor part of my life is that it keeps my kids gaining weight and it keeps the bank from taking the house away. I appreciate your interest, though.

Ms. Katz: Indeed, our office has two side-by-side desks with hers-and-his computers. My cup runneth over.

Ralphie: Don’t be embarrassed. That’s why she comes here. Be embarrassed by the e-books you’re checking out.
("Undergrad" is an error in the above comment. It was inserted by evil spirits intent on icing my scrotum.)
I think we were driving through Pennsylvania in June when we drove very quickly past a sign that said, "Scotrun".

Hilarity ensued.
You're a very naughty boy!
One of my wife's least favorite memories is me on the phone, in the closet, at 2 am, trying to be quiet, but having to shout into the phone "PEPCID.....No, PEPCID, with a P. P..E..P..C...I...D, PEEPCIIIID." Needless to say, whenever a H2 blocker is needed in our house, we go with zantac.


pepcid- name brand of famotidine, blocks the production of stomach acid, used to protect the stomach when patients are on medications that are evil to the stomach, like steroids.

H2 blocker- H2 is a type of histamine receptor and by blocking this you reduce the amount of stomach acid produced. Tagamet was the first one, then zantac, pepcid, axid, and now they are all available as generic and even over the counter. But they made certain drug companies billions and billions of dollars when they first came out.

Me on the phone in the closet- in order not to bother my wife when I am answering pages in the middle of the night, I take the cordless, and retreat to the closet, sit on the floor among my shirts, and pray that it is a wrong number. I have found that sitting facing my wife's shoe collection does not provide any additional advantage.
Dilbert: "But they made certain drug companies billions and billions of dollars"

But? What do you mean "but"? You should mean "and". You say that like it's a bad thing. We really gotta get you a year's subscription to National Review to slightly lessen your contempt for markets. Why develop H2 blockers if not for the millions and millions?

It would be like me saying "Dilbert practices medicine, but he also feeds, houses and clothes his family."
My, aren't we touchy. The but was in reference to the previous mention that they are available over the counter, as in "now you can get them for mere pennies per pill(halevi) but before they were the main cash cow of merck, and various other drug companies." I was not being mean to those poor defenseless drug companies. Merck has enough problems as it is with the vioxx litigation(and, btw, the cases are tremendous garbage, imho). I am all in favor of developing new things and making large fortunes off of them, as long as one is nice about it.
Dilbert: Phewf. OK. Sorry about that. I do get touchy just 'cause I'm exposed to "corporations are the root of all evil" constantly down here in lefy land. Shouldn't have projected it on you.
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