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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Part 2 of 5: If I Had Either Talent Or a Hammer
If I could be a musician... I'd have to figure out how to get by with very little talent. The best strategy would be to do parodies of existing songs, so I could capitalize on the talent of others. I would try to model myself after Weird Al Yancovic, with the major difference being that he was talented and funny.
There is a rich treasure trove of very popular 60s and 70s songs with really really bad ideas in them. They captivated a generation and persuaded them to believe lefty falsehoods while they held hands around campfires and smoked copious quantities of marijuana. My career would be dedicated to at least undoing the musical propaganda, about 30 years too late.
I'm sure you have your favorite very-bad-idea-in-a-song. There are so many.
Stephen Stills suggests "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." That may have sounded good in the 60s, but nowadays, I really would recommend that you wait as long as it takes to get back with the one you love, 'cause the one you're with is a skank. Don't love her. Trust me. She has human papilloma virus.
The winner of the "Most Bad Ideas In A Single Song" competition would have to be Lennon's Imagine. I know everyone loves it, and as a lefty college student, I did too, but just look at the lyrics again with fresh eyes. It's all wrong, even the words "and" and "the".
So with that in mind, and with apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary, who have beautiful voices and bad ideas, I offer the following.
If I had a hammerThank you! I'll be here all week. - served up by Doctor Bean @ 3:45 PM
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
All over this land
I'd hammer out danger
I'd hammer out a warning
I'd redistribute wealth between my brothers and my sisters
All over this land
If I had a sickle
I'd harvest in the morning
I'd harvest in the evening
All over this land
I'd harvest danger
I'd harvest a warning
I'd redistribute wealth between my brothers and my sisters
All over this land
If I had a red flag
I'd wave it in the morning
I'd wave it in the evening
All over this land
I'd wave out danger
I'd wave out a warning
I'd redistribute wealth between my brothers and my sisters
All over this land
Well I've got a hammer
And I've got a sickle
And I've got a red flag
All over this land
It's the hammer of gov'ment
It's the sickle of taxes
It's the flag of oppression for my brothers and my sisters
All over this land
Comments:
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Irina: it's true. I switched to the bright side of the force circa 1990. Before that, my red badge of shame is that I voted for Dukakis!
Psychotoddler: Thanks. See, I'm having fun with it!
Psychotoddler: Thanks. See, I'm having fun with it!
Dear Mr. Music Man,
Could you please work these lyrics over? They are from "Brand New Key," the 1971 hit song by Melanie (Safka). The lyrics were catchy when I was ten years old, probably 'cause I didn't know half the words, but only the refrain. Subliminal, subliminal, subliminal.
I'm not ten any longer...
"Brand New Key"
I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller-skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together
And try them out to see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I ride my bike, I roller skate don't drive no car
Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don't drive
I been all around the world
Some people say, I done all right for a girl
Oh, yes yea, ok
Oh, yea, yea, yea
Oh, yea, yea, yea
Oh, yea, yea, yea
I asked your mother if you were at home
She said yes but you weren't alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together
And try them out to see
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
Could you please work these lyrics over? They are from "Brand New Key," the 1971 hit song by Melanie (Safka). The lyrics were catchy when I was ten years old, probably 'cause I didn't know half the words, but only the refrain. Subliminal, subliminal, subliminal.
I'm not ten any longer...
"Brand New Key"
I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller-skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together
And try them out to see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I ride my bike, I roller skate don't drive no car
Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don't drive
I been all around the world
Some people say, I done all right for a girl
Oh, yes yea, ok
Oh, yea, yea, yea
Oh, yea, yea, yea
Oh, yea, yea, yea
I asked your mother if you were at home
She said yes but you weren't alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together
And try them out to see
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
Torontopearl: Sorry, that's too big a job for me, but I agree that the song is really about chlamydia.
Yeah, I hear your pain. Listening to "classic rock" you'll hear all the stupid politics of the 60-70's. "maybe I'll be there to shake your hand maybe I'll be there to share the land that they'll be giving away when we all live together..."
Who's taking my land? What slacker's gonna try?
side note: don't forget Tom Lehrer(sp?) who was brought to fame on the Dr. Dimento show. He was another musician of questionable repute who has cult status.
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Who's taking my land? What slacker's gonna try?
side note: don't forget Tom Lehrer(sp?) who was brought to fame on the Dr. Dimento show. He was another musician of questionable repute who has cult status.
(*)>
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