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Miscellaneous thoughts and ramblings
Monday, May 16, 2005
If I Could Be A Good Sport…
Oh, for the love of all things malodorous! This really stinks. Psychotoddler, a swell dude whose blog I read daily, challenged me to one of these chain-reaction blog meme things. Why? ‘Cause some Nobel laureate challenged him. Why? ‘Cause some other rocket scientist… Well, you get the idea. Here’s the challenge. I have to pick five of these “If I could be …” to complete, then I have to challenge three other bloggers to do the same.

If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure…
I guess I should explain my irritability. I'm sure many would be tickled to be tagged with such a challenge. The thing is, chain letters and emails really bug me. As far as I'm concerned, anything that says "send me along to 4 or 5 other people" is a virus that uses gullible human brains to replicate. I will not contribute to such tomfoolery. In fact, whenever I get emails like that (they're almost always about some outlandish scam) from a friend I usually write back and gently try to chide them into ceasing future chain-email forwarding. (I once totally humiliated myself doing this, but that's a post for another day. b&c makes fun of me to this day for that…)

So why am I even bothering? Well, just 'cause Psychotoddler is such a nice guy, and I don't want to be a total jerk. But I'm making it better by going into it with a horrible attitude.

Now before jumping right into the challenge, let's step back a step or two and think about it a little more generally. One fun thing I noticed is that you can play blog epidemiologist and trace this challenge back pretty far. You can go back half a dozen blogs in just a few minutes and realize how quickly this thing has traveled in a few days, and how by going from acquaintance to acquaintance you very quickly find yourself at blogs of people that you'll never know. Despite the fact that these people are only about 6 degrees of acquaintanceship from me, I found their blogs extraordinarily dull. I suspect they would say the same of mine. I wondered if you actually were doing a paper on this, if you could make a huge "infection tree" showing who challenged whom going way back. Then, maybe you could find the person who started this, Patient Zero, and shoot him.

The other thing that struck me about this was the wording of the sentences. Not "If I was…" but "If I could be…" implying that I'm not because I can't be. That's overly pessimistic, I think. For example, Psychotoddler is a doctor and a musician, and by all accounts is excellent at both. That suggests that he could be many of the other things on the list, but doesn't want to. Ball-and-chain has a Ph.D. in immunology, so she could be a scientist, but is a full-time mom. There are several things on the list that I couldn't be, like an athlete or an astronaut, just because I don't have the physical talent it would take to get through the training, but I have to think that most people could do many of the things on the list. (Extra points for guessing which one of the things I currently am, other than doctor.)

So with that fiendishly long and malignantly dull introduction, I will plunge into the challenges. I may have a little bit to say about each one, so I think I'll give each one its own post, so I can really blither at length. So I'll start now with the shortest. I'll try to do one a day.

If I could be married to any current famous political figure… I would leave her and beg ball-and-chain to take me back.
I can tell that you see right through me: I did this to irritate you. I know, I felt the same way. My first instinct was to ignore it. Being the passive/aggressive person that I am, I would never go back to the rocket scientist and tell him I hate these things. But it seemed innocuous enough, and as you can tell I didn't take it too seriously, and it was a slow blog day so...

Have some fun and don't be a party pooper. Or I'll pass along that Microsoft email.
You doctors are such cards.
If I could be married to any current famous political figure, it would be to Dick Cheney's gay daughter, who, by the way, in case you didn't catch it, is a gay lesbian who likes women more than friends.

If I could be a writer with an annoying need to conform to standards, I would tell Dr. Bean that the correct phrase is "If I were," not "If I was." The subjunctive is your friend.

If I could be a lion tamer, I would tame lions. Or at least one.
Uh...okay, "world-famous blogger" -- in my selection, I became a 1. writer 2. architect 3. inn-keeper 4. gardener 5. painter

Personally I didn't mind being tagged just because writing the answers open the thought processes. If you want to be a writer, there are countless though-provoking, creative visualization exercises to help prompt you. I just considered this tagging one of those prompts.
So you're saying you don't like chain-reaction blog meme things then? Haha, I knew I'd enjoy reading yours, the attitude is funny.
So what, now I have to hear from Mrs.Balabusta that you have an "in" at the goatface club? Were you even going to mention it to your boyfriend dan?

wait, wrong blog

Psychotoddler: Don't worry. I'll beat some fun out of this even if it kills me.

Jack: That's because there's nothing like poverty to inspire laughs.

Ralphie: D'Oh! Thanks for the grammar tip. I hate it when I'm illiterate.

Torontopearl: I'll remember to send more chain emails your way. There's a really nice guy in Sri Lanka who wants your credit card number so he can deposit $200,000 in your account.

Wickwire: I like to think of our blog as a way to transform my suffering into your entertainment. Glad it's working.

Psychotoddler: Whaaaa?
Oh, and stand by for part two of five later today....
check out the marzipan answering machine in my goat face post.
Hm... I'm guessing... a llama rider? : D
I gotta go with Zell Miller. Again, I would have to beg forgiveness from Papa Nomad, but I think he would applaud my choice.Mama Nomad
Irina: Excellent guess. Wrong.

Nomad's mom: Mmm... Zell. I'd marry him!
Well, you must be a bonnie pirate then!
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