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Miscellaneous thoughts and ramblings
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Rat update
...and here's my attempt to drive KC readership into the ground: an update on the rat situation, first broached in my feast-of-tabernacles-related post, Sukkah stuff. Warning - if you are squeamish in any way shape or form, skip to the next post.

So the shed where I kept my sukkah had been overrun with rats. The shed is a bit of a shanty, an all-wooden job wedged between the back of my garage (guest house, that is) and the back fence. Mrs. Ralphie insisted we tear it down and buy some sort of all-weather, impenetrable shed. I said I didn't think it was necessary, the rats were all gone, and besides, we keep a lot of stuff in there, and the guest house water heater is in there, too. I said I would at least determine the volume of the water heater to see if we could enclose it if we decide to remove the shed.

I entered the musty shed and took a couple of steps towards the water heater, then jerked backwards in revulsion as a rat scurried across the top. I then mentioned to Mrs. R. that maybe she was right about this whole tearing-down-the-shed thing. So we bought a Rubbermaid shed and moved as much stuff as we could from the old shed to the new. The rest we just threw in the yard, basically.

Here comes the scary part. Our friendly neighborhood handyman tore down the shed... and what he found their might shock you. First there was the bucket o' rats.

Yes, it seems that an exterminator from a while back had done more than just set a few traditional mousetraps that bore no fruit. In the back of the shed, he had set up some sort of master trap - kind of a like a roach motel, where the critters check in but don't receive a bill under the door tallying up the adult movies they requested on the pay-per-view, if you know what I'm saying. The only problem is the guy never bothered coming back to check on the dang thing. So we had a bucket o' dead rats in our shed for who knows how long.

But that's not the worst part.

When said handyman started to enclose the water heater with the aluminum cabinet I retrieved from Home Depot, he noticed something. Something... hideous. It seems that the water heater was propped up on some cinderblocks, and the rats somehow entered the shed that way. They might have even lived (still live???) under there. So the guy filled it in with cement, entombing any remaining rats.

No, that's still not the hideous part. He couldn't enclose the water heater because he first has to find a replacement for the part of the water heater ONTO WHICH A RAT'S BODY HAD BEEN SEARED, YEA MELTED.

Of course, Handyman was sure to point this out to Mrs. R., who couldn't sleep last night because the sickening image haunted her dreams.

And if you think I'm going out there to take a gander, think again, my friend. Think again.
Ooh, I smell a dirty rat...

I hope you're soon rid of them forever...and they haven't found their way to your garage/guest house. No wonder, nobody has wanted to stay over at your place for the longest while.
Dead anything isn't pleseant. Having seen fresh dead and old dead, fresh dead is better, but not my much. If I had a preference I'd say it would be for fresh dead humans (which I've seen far too many times) and very old dead animals. Fresh dead animals and old dead humans are the most horrid things there are.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeew. You've got the premise for a horror movie right in your back yard. You just need to add something slightly supernatural and evil, like a Native American shaman gone wrong who reanimates the rats and uses them to take over the rest of your house. Or something.
Photos, please.
I'm with Og on this one. My preference is for fresh dead humans.
...with some fava beans and a nice chianti?
A big amarone. It was dumbed down to Chianti for the movie.
Wow, that story makes the giant man-eating spider in the tree outside my house seem almost friendly.
Update: The Og family seems to be destined to finding fresh dead humans. I've done it several times myself and now mom is following suit, having found her second freshly dead neighbor. I'm starting to wonder if the old dead rats are maybe better.
At least you're not finding them in your backyard...
As far as you know.
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