Doctor Bean, just a general comment: why aren't you flying solo in blogland? You don't need this vaudeville troupe behind you; you're great on your own...at least in the comments section you frequent over at PsychoToddler's.
Try it, you might like it. Grab the spotlight for yourself, forget about the others....
 

Torontopearl: That's very sweet of you, but what you suggest is TREASON, TREASON!! Ahem. Sorry.

I like it this way, because on days when I don't have any ideas, or say, have to generate income to feed my kids, Nomad or Ralphie or Oven always come up with something good.

And they're all dear friends of mine.

And, you must admit, without Godby, where would this blog be?
 

Uh, torontopearl, I'm going to have to ask you to kiss my ass.

Sincerely,


Nomad
 

torontopearl: Oooh. See what you've done? You've upset Nomad. And for what? Just to feed my egomaniacal fantasies of solo blogging. But that's just a crazy dream. Can't you see that? We get fewer than a hundred visits a day. We get very few comments, and most are from other Coffeehousers. (God bless and preserve Irina.) We have a Google PageRank of only 3. That’s not exactly the kind of staggering success to spawn a spin off. That kind of hubris ends up in an alley strung out on heroin scrounging in trash cans for cat food.

So if you love me, prove it. Keep coming back, leave comments and give us a plug on your blog. I’ll still respect you, and Nomad and you may eventually patch things up.
 

Sorry, Nomad. Didn't mean to hurt your feelings. They were hurt, right? You weren't just venting at me, 'cause you might've had a bad day. Perhaps we Canadians don't know how to properly reach out to the Americans. You forgive, and I'll forget. Or perhaps I'll say You forget, and I'll forgive. There, we're fair and square now. And if I ever figure out again how to blogroll sites, I'll be sure to list you folks. And as for my flippant suggestion to Doctor Bean... well, what's a little friction between friends, right?
And Nomad...? I like your mask photo, but perhaps you'd like to tune in to my site and read my recent post about "masquerades"?
G'night, y'all...
 

My feelings weren't hurt. You were being rude. I responded in kind. I'll read your post on masquerades.
 

nomad, sorry, i didn't realize it was "rude" talking, i'd hoped it was "funny" talking, because that's how i've perceived doctor bean when i read his comments abroad. it was not meant to be derogatory to you or the other coffeehouse cohorts. i suffer greatly from jewish guilt, so you've now dampened my spirits for pointing out that my comment was deemed rude. i'm rarely rude, and certainly not to strangers...
btw, thanks for dropping in at http://pearliesofwisdom.blogspot.com
 

Hi, torontopearl.
Blogrolling is actually pretty is. You just go to www.blogroll.com, create an account, and the site gives you easy-to-follow directions culminating with posting of the code in your template. Good luck!
 

No hard feelings, TorontoPearl.

...or should I say YOKO!!!!!
 

Pearl,

No worries. Things often don't read the way they were intended. It sounds like that was the case here.

A virtual olive branch on its way to Toronto.

-Nomad
 

Ralphie,

That's funny. I had the exact same metaphor in my mind.

Anyone else remember the 80's flash-in-the-pan group, Scandal? Had big hits with "Good-bye to You", "Love Has Got a Line on You".

The record label coerced them into chaging their name to "Scandal: Featuring Patty Smyth", under which name they produced the smash hit, "The Warrior", before breaking up and becoming "Bands Reunited" fodder for VH1 20 years later.

What do you think of

"Kerckhoff: Featuring Doctor Bean"?
 

One more closing comment from me:
I'm sorry I used this particular post to start the gang war--it's just that I'd seen Doctor Bean had the byline, and I wanted to reach him somehow.
Not fair that I wrote my PEARLIES OF WISDOM...NOT attached to such a serious post.
And Doctor Bean, yes, I do keep Shabbos, "that sort of thing!"
Good Shabbos/Good Weekend, you coffeehouse folks.
 

Nomad: I'd like to veto that idea, and anyway, I always thought of you as our fearless leader.

torontopearl: Shabbat shalom. Don't worry. There's no gang war.
 

Gang warfare? What gang warfare?

***

NOMAD: (Spoken) Against the Sharks we need every man we got.

BEAN: (Spoken) Godby don't belong any more.

NOMAD: Cut it, BEAN boy. I and Godby started the Jets.

BEAN: Well, he acts like he don't wanna belong.

BALL-N-CHAIN: Who wouldn't wanna belong to the Jets!

BEAN: Godby ain't been with us for over a month.

OVEN: What about the day we clobbered the Emeralds?

RALPHIE: Which we couldn't have done without Godby.

BALL-N-CHAIN: He saved my ever-lovin' neck!

NOMAD: Right! He's always come through for us and he will now.

(sings)
When you're a Jet,
You're a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin' day.

When you're a Jet,
If the spit hits the fan,
You got brothers around,
You're a family man!

You're never alone,
You're never disconnected!
You're home with your own:
When company's expected,
You're well protected!

Then you are set
With a capital J,
Which you'll never forget
Till they cart you away.
When you're a Jet,
You stay a Jet!

(spoken) I know Godby like I know me. I guarantee you can count him in.

BEAN: In, out, let's get crackin'.

RALPHIE: Where you gonna find Bernardo?

NOMAD: At the dance tonight at the gym.

SCOT: But the gym's neutral territory.
NOMAD: (innocently) I'm gonna make nice there! I'm only gonna challenge him.

RALPHIE: Great, Daddy-O!

NOMAD: So everybody dress up sweet and sharp.

ALL (sing)
Oh, when the Jets fall in at the cornball dance,
We'll be the sweetest dressin' gang in pants!
And when the chicks dig us in our Jet black ties,
They're gonna flip, gonna flop, gonna drop like flies!

NOMAD: (Spoken) Hey. Cool. Easy. Sweet. Meet Godby and me at ten. And walk tall!

RALPHIE: We always walk tall!

BALL-N-CHAIN: We're Jets!

BEAN: The greatest!

BEAN and BALL-N-CHAIN (sing)
When you're a Jet,
You're the top cat in town,
You're the gold medal kid
With the heavyweight crown!

RALPHIE, BEAN, SCOT
When you're a Jet,
You're the swingin'est thing:
Little boy, you're a man;
Little man, you're a king!

ALL
The Jets are in gear,
Our cylinders are clickin'!
The Sharks'll steer clear
'Cause ev'ry Puerto Rican's a lousy chicken!

Here come the Jets
Like a bat out of hell.
Someone gets in our way,
Someone don't feel so well!

Here come the Jets:
Little world, step aside!
Better go underground,
Better run, better hide!

We're drawin' the line,
So keep your noses hidden!
We're hangin' a sign,
Says "Visitors forbidden"
And we ain't kiddin'!

Here come the Jets,
Yeah! And we're gonna beat
Ev'ry last buggin' gang
On the whole buggin' street!
On the whole!
Ever!
Mother!
Lovin'!
Street!
Yeah!


***
with nod to Stepehen Sondheim (and Leonard Bernstein) for this classic "West Side Story" / Kerckhoff Coffeehouse moment.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming already in progress.

;-)
 

[standing up]
clap clap clap clap clap clap
bravo! bravo!

That was beautiful, man.
[wiping a tear]
 

Shavuah Tov, people.

May I have the last word (sorry, ball-and-chain)...

Please forget my original comment. You folks ARE good together, you are a vaudeville team, a vanishing species--you belong together. I feel like I've stepped into a frat house (ball-and-chain, you can be the mascot for the frat) and it's not like you're a bunch of drunken sophomoric pigs, but rather, a bunch of entertaining intellectuals.

More power to you. Keep on rockin' in the USA!

Oh, and by the way, if this is a coffeehouse, could I please order an amaretto decaf coffee and a banana nut muffin? And if allowed, could I recite some poetry over on the stage in the corner? I've been looking for a gig for quite some time...
 

torontopearl: Shavua tov*. Your order is taken, but we're still working on figuring out how to get the coffee to pour out of your USB port.

Absolutely you can read poetry, but there's no pay. Maybe we'll give you the banana nut muffin for free.

*Shavua tov = [Hebrew] Good week. Customary greeting of religious Jews at the end of the Sabbath.
 

When Edie Brickell and her band were hottin' it up in Dallas, they were known as New Bohemians. The record label that signed them wanted to capitalize on the chick singer thing, so they renamed it "Edie Brickell and New Bohemians." Result: one good album, one stinker, obscurity.

Nomad: way, way, too much time on your hands.