N. Korea Demands U.S. Apology

SEOUL, South Korea — North Korea is waiting for the United States to apologize for calling it an "outpost of tyranny" before the communist state will return to nuclear talks, a senior official said, as the North announced Friday it will convene a rubber-stamp parliament expected to endorse its boycott of the talks.

Oh, come on! Apologize for calling the NorKs an outpost of tyranny? Why? Whatever happened to "Sticks and stones and aircraft carrier groups and stealth fighter-bombers may break my bones, but names can never hurt me?" Can we take it back and instead assert that Kim Jong Il is an unhinged megalomaniac with funny hair? Would the NorKs accept that?

Hang on, Bean. Take a big breath. Read more of the article…

Still, Pyongyang is waiting for the United States apologize over U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice labeling the North one of the world's "outposts of tyranny." Rice has refused to apologize…

Way to go, Condy!

"In order to reopen the talks, there should be the right justification and conditions," South Korea's Yonhap News Agency quoted Han as saying. "That is a clear apology from the U.S. for the outpost of tyranny remarks."

Han said the North's statement Thursday was meant to highlight Pyongyang's view that the latest crisis stems from a perceived U.S. nuclear threat. Washington has said it has withdrawn all nuclear weapons from the Korean Peninsula.

That's right, but we have them on submarines, and how far do you suppose our nearest submarine is from Pyongyang? Well, I don't know either, but I bet it's close enough so that the time between Bush deciding there shouldn't be a Pyongyang anymore and his wish coming true is less than 45 minutes. And Kim Jong Il wants an apology? He should want a one-way ticket to Paris.

In the interests of international harmony, I'll try to help by whipping something up. If the administration approves, they have my permission to use it without giving me credit.

The Beloved Leader
Mr. Kim Jong Il
Pyongyang, North Korea

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Dear Mr. Il,

I am writing to apologize for calling your country an outpost of tyrrany.

I meant outhouse.

Sincerely,

Condoleezza Rice, Ph.D.
Secretary of State
United States of America

Aaahahaaaa! I slay me! - served up by Doctor Bean @ 9:19 PM